Working For Change

Most people that know me would say that I'm a nice guy. I genuinely care about people's feelings and do what I can to keep everyone close to me happy. I'm naturally chivalrous and known for off the cuff compliments. I believe that success alone is not truly success. That a truly successful person brings those they love with them and helps them to be the same.

On paper, these qualities shape me up to be quite the eligible young gentleman.

But there is a side to me that I am reluctant to say is there. A subconscious side that seeps its way into my life in slight yet quantitative increments.

Do you know those people that always look upset even when they're happy? Now picture someone that often sounds callous even when they are being kind.

I have a tendency to be very blunt and quite curt. Backed by sharp eyes and cutting words, I tend to lash out in conversation. The disheartening part about it is that I am usually unaware of these actions. I am left after most interactions wondering why my motives are often misunderstood. Why is it that my good intent can be so misconstrued by so many?

But that's just it. They can't all be wrong, can they? The only common denominator in all of these situations is myself. And all of the observing opinions seem to match up.

So it is me.
What am I doing?
Why am I doing this?
Why is there a mental guard up around me?
Is it even a mental guard?

I honestly do not know.
But I do know that it's there and I am doing what I can to ameliorate the situation.

I want to be the best me that I can be. And, as of now, I am stifled by what can only be characterized as a 'character flaw'. There is a long reflective road ahead of me. But I am ready to start the somber trek. The first step is recognition.

Don't be afraid to look within yourself to make improvements around you.


Live, love & learn!
-The King

My Own Senior

I have always had a mentality beyond the year I was born. I tend to forget my own age from time to time because I have never 'fit in' with those in my age range. I'm sure that many aspects of my life have lead to this frame of mind.

As a young child I would spend most of my time from set to set; being surrounded by adults at all times. By the time I was eight years old I could more comfortably hold a conversation with someone's parent than the actual child of which I shared numerical age.
This only increased when I started college courses at the age of thirteen.
Other than playing recreational sports, I had never really spent much time around children my own age.
Even to this day my coworkers are shocked when they hear my age for the first time. Stating my age always garners the response, "I thought you were at least three or four years older than that." I take that as a compliment though. It can often be very hard for someone that is 22, (almost 23), to assimilate into the corporate world without drawing the wrong kind of eyes.

But all of these factors in my life cause me to frequent a very confused mindset.

I have one group of friends that are, on average, four to five years my senior. I get along with them just fine. There is no conversation that I can't partake in. But as I sit back and observe them I know that there are in a different part of their lives than I am. ie: They are living with their significant others. In relationships that will almost surely lead to marriage. Finding stability in their careers. Quite frankly, they are ready to start settling down.
I, on the other hand, am not.

Then there are the friends that share the same roundabout birth year. The late college age folk that tend to be obsessed with the club and party scenes. Environments that I have not only long past had my share of, but have never really cared for in the first place. It's harder to get lost in the club life when I don't drink or smoke. (I never have and never plan to.)
I find myself feeling like I am too old to spend time with people my own age.

Lastly, there are the friends that range from around 18-20. Now I know that some of these should technically be a part of my age bracket, but I can't help but feel some sort of disconnect. I feel like everything they do is too childish. Too immature. Too, let's be frank, unsophisticated.

So what do I do? I tread up and down the rungs of my age-based social ladder. Not yet ready to climb up, too far up to go back down, and too discontent to stay put.

What do I do when I feel like I'm my own senior?


Live, love & learn!
-The King

Fireflies In My Mind

I lay here in a melancholy daze on this solitary night. The luminescent glow from the television beats down on my face. The poorly scripted chatter amongst characters far from resonates with me. The only company I keep are the thoughts in my mind. They swirl around in my head sparking haphazardly like fireflies on a Cincinnati summer night. That's the crazy thing about your mind... If you sit back and just let it talk to you, you never know what it will say.

"I wish there was someone to call."
"I've got to stop skipping meals."
"Why can't some inspiration hit me?"
"Funny how we call these people our 'friends'."
"This movie is starting to get good."
"I'm going to kill my teeth with all this candy."
"Baby Green Eyes."
"If you're going to talk behind my back, maybe you should wait for me to turn around."
"I can't believe it's November."
"Will I ever be recognized for all that I have to offer?"
"One more week!"
"Even if I did drink alcohol I wouldn't act like you."
"How is it that I see these things and you don't?"
"It's not that I didn't like you. I was just scared that I wouldn't be enough for you."
"Funny how I learned to be a man from a woman."
"I really need to get back to writing these scripts."
"She's already a better friend than those I've had for years."
"Being a gentleman is not a thing of the past."
"I wish someone would text me."
"I no longer love you in that way. But I still love you with all my heart."
"I should play some music."
"I still love looking at that sign in the corner of my room."
"Nice guys really do tend to finish last."
"I can't watch you do this."
"The selfish side of me liked it before the good news."
"I just want to make a difference in people's lives."
"I should really write this all down."


So here I am. Me and my thoughts. Plenty of room in this bed for both of us. But sometimes it's like they try to push me out. Will I wake up on the floor? I don't know.
For now I'll just watch the fireflies.


Live, love & learn!
-The King

Watch Your Surroundings

Whether you want to believe it or not, the people that you surround yourself with are a direct reflection of who you are. Not only are they a subconscious reflection, but they represent you in public as well.

Think about it... Let's say you introduce your friend to me and you introduce them as 'your friend'. If that friend proceeds to be ignorant, inconsiderate, insulting and unmannerly, it is only expected of me to be under the assumption that you often carry yourself in that same way. Even if I have never seen you act this way, your acceptance of such behavior is just that... acceptance of that behavior. One can only assume that you have similar underlying traits. How else would the two of you match up as friends?
If you constantly proclaim that your close friends are "fake" or "untrustworthy", odds are so are you.

But... If these friends do not accurately represent your own personal persona, than why are they your 'friends'? Why surround yourself with characteristics that you would never allow from yourself?

Our friends are supposed to bring out the best in ourselves. You can never reach your prime potential when you place yourself around constant influential reminders of who you are not supposed to be. Free yourself from those social restrictions. Those associated restraints. The key to success, whatever success may be in your eyes, is surrounding yourself with the right group of people. The most successful celebrities, businessmen, politicians, etc., all have a team around them that they can trust and that bring the best out of them.

It's now that time for me to take my own advice. There are too many people in my life that for now can be considered a part of my circle of friends. It is an ever-growing circle that in all honesty should be ever-shrinking. Or at least fairly stagnant. I will now be taking the proper steps to rid myself of some of these harmful people.

So before you go around calling someone a 'friend', remember, watch your surroundings. Not only can the people closest to you hurt you, but they can cause you to hurt yourself as well.


Live, love & learn!
-The King

Carpe Diem

This year started for me with one word... "Yes".
It was my intent to spend this year appreciating and attacking every opportunity that would come my way. And in many ways I have been doing pretty well in that department.
I have become a lot more decisive and conclusive in my life. Moving full-fledged into the directions that I had previously been hesitant to. It's a great feeling when you seize an opportunity and it plays out the same way it did in your mind. The scenarios in our minds are always more imaginable and rapturous than the real world. So when there is even a hint of parallelism, it can be quite euphoric.

The problem is... there will sometimes be mental wonders that you can not live up to. Those events are even harder on your mind when you know that you did not do everything you can to 'seize the day'. To watch an opportunity arise and fade away knowing that you did not approach it the way you wanted to can result in an unmistakable pain.
I have experienced that a couple of times this year.
Even in the midst of my "yes man" attitude, some of my yeses fell through the cracks.

So here I am. Watching lost opportunities. Watching those opportunities being presented with their own opportunities. And watching them say yes.
Why is it that they are able to 'seize the day' when I'm not? Why can they live and lead happy lives in the areas that I'm lacking? Will I ever be able to step up the these areas? Am I destined to fall behind in these parts of my life?
I hope not.
Scratch that... I will not.

I will no longer watch from the sideline as the opposing team scores the winning basket.
Put me in the game coach!
I'm ready to play and it's about that time for me to make my presence known. I will be the most valuable player. As a matter of fact, I will be the only player. Because this is my life, which means that it's my game.

So from now on my motto is "carpe diem". Seize the day. I'm ready to seize. Are you?


Live, love & learn!
-The King

Head To Toe

Even your hair is perfect. A color that most people would consider black but you and I both know that it's really a deep brown. That is, until you get to the lighter brown ends that brush so gracefully between your shoulder blades. I've never seen hair that could be so straight yet still have a hint of deep ocean waves.

Your forehead... The perfect start to your almost symmetrical face. It's one of my favorite places to kiss you. Right where you have a hint of those lines that form whenever you raise an eyebrow at me.
Eyebrows that are naturally curved yet you still insist on getting them done every once in a while.

Your eyes are unmistakable. They are almost perfectly round except for the slight slant that always causes people to ask you if you're mixed. You love being able to smile and decline. Oh how I love to gaze into your eyes and watch them gaze back. The maple brown color with streaks of green is one of a kind. Especially the gray stroke around your pupil that you don't even know is there. It's the most visible when you look out of the corner of your eye as if trying to see your own ear.

Ears that are rarely seen because they are constantly covered by the beginning of the gradient section of your hair. But I love to brush your hair back behind your ear because it always makes your nose curl up when you smile.
That very nose that wiggles whenever you sing along to your favorite songs, and flares whenever you laugh.

Your full, yet never overbearing, lips, that are never seen without 'MAC Tinted Lipglass' lip gloss, curve so beautifully around your ruler-straight teeth that have never seen braces. Teeth that are the brightest shade of off-white. They seem to be immune to the tinting effect of all the coffee that you drink in the morning.

Your cleft-free chin always feels so nice placed against my chest as you look up at me. It's like you are placing on display the previously described perfect face.

You love whenever I place my right hand on the left side of your neck and pull you closer to me.
Your statuesque shoulders seem softer than they should be. But I love the way they pillar down to your arms. Arms that you feel are too skinny. Of course, I disagree.

The way your body curves is reminiscent to that of the Greek goddesses. Your torso could be the prototype for what a woman is supposed to resemble. Everything from your slightly defined abdomen to the dimples in the small of your back are all structurally perfected.

Your slim waist was made to wrap my arms around. Talk about a perfect fit.
And the transition into your hips is like no other. Every pair of jeans that you own hug your hips and thighs as if they were designed specifically for you.

The slight switch when you walk is hypnotizing.
It's amazing how your legs can seem so long when you only stand at a mere 5'6". Or is that your height in heels? I can never remember.
You spend so much time in your heels, and it shows in your calves. The tone and definition of a track star with the grace of a model.

And finally your feet. You, like most girls, hate your feet. In fact, you hate all feet. But they're so tiny and cute. And don't sell them short. They have to be strong and regal to be able to hold up someone as poised as yourself.

You are a pillar of perfection and I will forever be in awe of your presence and grace. From your head to your toes.


Live, love & learn!
-The King

Color Blind

Recently I have found myself continually asked, "Do you even date black girls anymore?". I find this question appalling. Not only because they dare to ask it, but because there is always a distinct level of disapproval, discontentment and derision in their voice. It's as if I'm turning my back on the entire black race by dating outside of it.

I've just recently become a victim to this stigma. Up until about two years ago I pretty much only dated black girls (with one Spanish exception).
It's not like I woke up one day and said, 'That's it, no more!'. Not even close. Quite frankly, I still feel that black women are the most beautiful creatures on this planet. My mother is a black women. How could I not feel this way?
I just find that my attractions have matured and expanded.

Now, let me make this very clear... I LOVE black women! And, in all honesty, find it hard to picture myself settling down elsewhere. But I would never rule out the option. Love is a powerful thing. And true love is color blind.

This whole situation really makes me wonder... Is there some sort of obligation as a black man to find comfort in a black woman?
I'm sorry, I thought the only obligations I have in life are to my family and to myself. It's my right to be able to spend my time with whoever makes me happy in my life. Not saying that this can't be a black woman. But who says it has to be?

Now, I do understand the feeling of needing a common background with someone. I recall one girl that I was dating and when asked what I was watching on tv, I replied, "Living Single". Her response to that was, "What's that?". At the time I laughed it off, but it's little things like that that reminded me of just how different our upbringings were. Because not only would a black girl my age know that show, but she could probably sing me the theme song. There is a comfort that comes with knowing that your mate can understand where you are coming from in the hardest of hard times.

On the other hand, the assimilation and aggrandizement of cultures is what makes life fun. That's what makes America so beautiful.

So yes, you might see me walking hand in hand with a black girl or maybe walking with my arm around a Latin girl or possibly in a tight embrace with Caucasian/Asian mix. You just never know. And I am quite proud of this. And you can bet that I would never hold any obligation over my child's head either.

Just remember... Even if I was to marry outside of my race, our kid could still one day become the President of the United States.
:)


Live, love & learn!
-The King
( http://jdubtheking.blogspot.com )