How Did I Get Here?

Justin Nozuka's latest album blares through my speakers as I make the same drive I have made a countless amount of times. But today's ride is one that I will not soon forget.

Or ever.

My mind whips its way through a pensive parallel universe as my dissociated body drives itself. The fact that I didn't run into any other cars is a miracle. Then again, I don't even remember seeing other vehicles on the roads that I know for a fact were riddled with traffic. Buildings became a blur as my eyes glazed over with a frosty film that resembled an antique camera filter.

As I recite the words to the tunes that are accompanying me on this trek, I feel the first stream of my eye's salty secretion trickle its way down my face. Songs that used to make me so happy to sing along to are now stabbing me with pain.

It isn't just the music that's bringing this out of me. Nor is it where I'm going to.
It's where I'm coming from.

I just left from seeing you in a way that I have never seen before. In a state that I wished I never would see. You laid there in that hospital bed not knowing what to feel or expect. I sat there next to you not knowing what to feel or expect.
It took all that I had to keep a calm face while by your side. All the while, my brain was being poisoned with 'what if's. I was able to control these thoughts in the moment, but they are currently getting the best of me.

I can't lose you.

My life would cease to function without you to share it with. You have been there for as long as I can remember. Please don't leave me right now. I'm not strong enough to handle it.
That's right, me... The pillar of forced strength is saying that I can NOT take you being taken away from me.
Not now.
Not ever.

The tears continue to pour down my face in a manner that would make Niagara proud. For every one that I try to fight, four more follow. I am now howling the words to the music. It is my only remaining grip on reality in this moment of insanity. The harder I cry, the louder I sing. The louder I sing, the more it hurts. The more it hurts, the harder I cry. My circle of sorrow.

I think about everything that I've never told you. Everything that I may never get to. Everything that I wish I never did. And everything that I can't wait to tell you again.
We have unfinished business. You have unfinished business. I'm destined to be great. And you're destined to be even better.
I'm sorry for every word constructed by me that has ever hurt you. I'm sorry for every word constructed by anyone else that hurt you that I wasn't there to protect you from.

You are my heart. You are my inspiration. You are my focus.
You are my brother.

My car comes to a slow stop. I made it to work.
How did I get here?


Live, love & learn!
-The King