Most people that know me would say that I'm a nice guy. I genuinely care about people's feelings and do what I can to keep everyone close to me happy. I'm naturally chivalrous and known for off the cuff compliments. I believe that success alone is not truly success. That a truly successful person brings those they love with them and helps them to be the same.
On paper, these qualities shape me up to be quite the eligible young gentleman.
But there is a side to me that I am reluctant to say is there. A subconscious side that seeps its way into my life in slight yet quantitative increments.
Do you know those people that always look upset even when they're happy? Now picture someone that often sounds callous even when they are being kind.
I have a tendency to be very blunt and quite curt. Backed by sharp eyes and cutting words, I tend to lash out in conversation. The disheartening part about it is that I am usually unaware of these actions. I am left after most interactions wondering why my motives are often misunderstood. Why is it that my good intent can be so misconstrued by so many?
But that's just it. They can't all be wrong, can they? The only common denominator in all of these situations is myself. And all of the observing opinions seem to match up.
So it is me.
What am I doing?
Why am I doing this?
Why is there a mental guard up around me?
Is it even a mental guard?
I honestly do not know.
But I do know that it's there and I am doing what I can to ameliorate the situation.
I want to be the best me that I can be. And, as of now, I am stifled by what can only be characterized as a 'character flaw'. There is a long reflective road ahead of me. But I am ready to start the somber trek. The first step is recognition.
Don't be afraid to look within yourself to make improvements around you.
Live, love & learn!
-The King
Monday, November 23, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
My Own Senior
I have always had a mentality beyond the year I was born. I tend to forget my own age from time to time because I have never 'fit in' with those in my age range. I'm sure that many aspects of my life have lead to this frame of mind.
As a young child I would spend most of my time from set to set; being surrounded by adults at all times. By the time I was eight years old I could more comfortably hold a conversation with someone's parent than the actual child of which I shared numerical age.
This only increased when I started college courses at the age of thirteen.
Other than playing recreational sports, I had never really spent much time around children my own age.
Even to this day my coworkers are shocked when they hear my age for the first time. Stating my age always garners the response, "I thought you were at least three or four years older than that." I take that as a compliment though. It can often be very hard for someone that is 22, (almost 23), to assimilate into the corporate world without drawing the wrong kind of eyes.
But all of these factors in my life cause me to frequent a very confused mindset.
I have one group of friends that are, on average, four to five years my senior. I get along with them just fine. There is no conversation that I can't partake in. But as I sit back and observe them I know that there are in a different part of their lives than I am. ie: They are living with their significant others. In relationships that will almost surely lead to marriage. Finding stability in their careers. Quite frankly, they are ready to start settling down.
I, on the other hand, am not.
Then there are the friends that share the same roundabout birth year. The late college age folk that tend to be obsessed with the club and party scenes. Environments that I have not only long past had my share of, but have never really cared for in the first place. It's harder to get lost in the club life when I don't drink or smoke. (I never have and never plan to.)
I find myself feeling like I am too old to spend time with people my own age.
Lastly, there are the friends that range from around 18-20. Now I know that some of these should technically be a part of my age bracket, but I can't help but feel some sort of disconnect. I feel like everything they do is too childish. Too immature. Too, let's be frank, unsophisticated.
So what do I do? I tread up and down the rungs of my age-based social ladder. Not yet ready to climb up, too far up to go back down, and too discontent to stay put.
What do I do when I feel like I'm my own senior?
Live, love & learn!
-The King
As a young child I would spend most of my time from set to set; being surrounded by adults at all times. By the time I was eight years old I could more comfortably hold a conversation with someone's parent than the actual child of which I shared numerical age.
This only increased when I started college courses at the age of thirteen.
Other than playing recreational sports, I had never really spent much time around children my own age.
Even to this day my coworkers are shocked when they hear my age for the first time. Stating my age always garners the response, "I thought you were at least three or four years older than that." I take that as a compliment though. It can often be very hard for someone that is 22, (almost 23), to assimilate into the corporate world without drawing the wrong kind of eyes.
But all of these factors in my life cause me to frequent a very confused mindset.
I have one group of friends that are, on average, four to five years my senior. I get along with them just fine. There is no conversation that I can't partake in. But as I sit back and observe them I know that there are in a different part of their lives than I am. ie: They are living with their significant others. In relationships that will almost surely lead to marriage. Finding stability in their careers. Quite frankly, they are ready to start settling down.
I, on the other hand, am not.
Then there are the friends that share the same roundabout birth year. The late college age folk that tend to be obsessed with the club and party scenes. Environments that I have not only long past had my share of, but have never really cared for in the first place. It's harder to get lost in the club life when I don't drink or smoke. (I never have and never plan to.)
I find myself feeling like I am too old to spend time with people my own age.
Lastly, there are the friends that range from around 18-20. Now I know that some of these should technically be a part of my age bracket, but I can't help but feel some sort of disconnect. I feel like everything they do is too childish. Too immature. Too, let's be frank, unsophisticated.
So what do I do? I tread up and down the rungs of my age-based social ladder. Not yet ready to climb up, too far up to go back down, and too discontent to stay put.
What do I do when I feel like I'm my own senior?
Live, love & learn!
-The King
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