Asshole Dreams

Sometimes I wish I was an asshole.

I mean, think about it... They're the ones the world loves to talk about. They're always the most memorable. And every actor knows that it's more thrilling to play the villain than the hero.

Oh and women love the 'bad boys'. Not those shiny suit wearing, dancing around on screen, Puff-Diddy-Daddy-Dirty Money-Combs types. Nah.
But they love those quick to cuss a brotha out, can't stand his own father, "I'm not scared to hit a kid" kind of guys.

I swear it seems like guys like me have been fighting this uphill battle ever since MC Lyte proclaimed "Gotta what yo? Gotta get a ruffneck!"

I'm sorry. Let me start over.
Hi.
I'm Jeff. And I'm a nice guy.
I open car doors, let women on and off of elevators first, give up my seat to the elderly, I've never called a woman a "bitch"... Well, not directly. But come on, when Miss No-Turn-Signal in the Kia cuts me off on the 101 I have the right to call her out of her name as long as my windows are up and she can't hear me.
To be fair, I would call Mr. No-Turn-Signal the same thing.

But back to the point...
I was that good, straight-A student, never got into a fight unless I was defending my mother or brother, love to make everyone laugh, always had a legal hustle kind of kid. And that's what's turned me into the had two college degrees by 20, still loves to make everyone laugh, go to work every day even though I have plenty of vacation time, fight nothing but stereotypes man that you see today.

I'm that guy that your mother wants you to spend more time with. That guy that will tell a women she's beautiful just in case nobody else has told her that day. Mr. Great-First-Impression. That's me.

I'm everyone's best friend but nobody's fantasy.
...Lucky me.

But I'm tired of putting my heart up for auction and watching as the bidding gets lower and lower. Sometimes I want to walk around in just a vest, or a wife beater, or shirtless... simply because I'm tired of wearing my heart on my sleeve. I understand Rosa Parks. Because I'm tired of sitting in the back of the bus watching people walk in and out of a life that I strive for, nonchalantly, as if they are owed what they have been privileged with. I'm tired of coaching my female best friends and governing their section 8 relationships, while I'm sitting here hoping for escrow with an option to buy, and all these guys want to do is rent.

I swear I just want to punch your boyfriend in the face and turn to you and say, "F*ck him! I'm in love with you!"
But I can't do that. Because I'm a good guy. And that's just not believable from a guy like me.

Plus, these women don't want a 'good guy'. Sure, on paper they do. And they'll even say they do. But when it comes down to it, they can't see themselves with someone that they feel is soft. And society has trained us to think that nice guys are just that. That the well-mannered are pushovers.

Why do we bastardize what we idolize? Build shrines for ideas that we're too scared to admit we think. We stand proudly on the shoulders of titans and then celebrate when they're overthrown by the Olympians.

You know what... F*ck it!

I'm happy the way I am. I look forward to proving everyone wrong. And to eternally loving everyone who I prove right.
I'll be laughing at the women who have spent all their time chasing bad boys, and when they're ready to settle down, the good ones are all taken.

If nice guys really do finish last, then I guess life is like golf. Low score wins.

Have a nice day.


Live, love & learn!
-The King