Asshole Dreams

Sometimes I wish I was an asshole.

I mean, think about it... They're the ones the world loves to talk about. They're always the most memorable. And every actor knows that it's more thrilling to play the villain than the hero.

Oh and women love the 'bad boys'. Not those shiny suit wearing, dancing around on screen, Puff-Diddy-Daddy-Dirty Money-Combs types. Nah.
But they love those quick to cuss a brotha out, can't stand his own father, "I'm not scared to hit a kid" kind of guys.

I swear it seems like guys like me have been fighting this uphill battle ever since MC Lyte proclaimed "Gotta what yo? Gotta get a ruffneck!"

I'm sorry. Let me start over.
Hi.
I'm Jeff. And I'm a nice guy.
I open car doors, let women on and off of elevators first, give up my seat to the elderly, I've never called a woman a "bitch"... Well, not directly. But come on, when Miss No-Turn-Signal in the Kia cuts me off on the 101 I have the right to call her out of her name as long as my windows are up and she can't hear me.
To be fair, I would call Mr. No-Turn-Signal the same thing.

But back to the point...
I was that good, straight-A student, never got into a fight unless I was defending my mother or brother, love to make everyone laugh, always had a legal hustle kind of kid. And that's what's turned me into the had two college degrees by 20, still loves to make everyone laugh, go to work every day even though I have plenty of vacation time, fight nothing but stereotypes man that you see today.

I'm that guy that your mother wants you to spend more time with. That guy that will tell a women she's beautiful just in case nobody else has told her that day. Mr. Great-First-Impression. That's me.

I'm everyone's best friend but nobody's fantasy.
...Lucky me.

But I'm tired of putting my heart up for auction and watching as the bidding gets lower and lower. Sometimes I want to walk around in just a vest, or a wife beater, or shirtless... simply because I'm tired of wearing my heart on my sleeve. I understand Rosa Parks. Because I'm tired of sitting in the back of the bus watching people walk in and out of a life that I strive for, nonchalantly, as if they are owed what they have been privileged with. I'm tired of coaching my female best friends and governing their section 8 relationships, while I'm sitting here hoping for escrow with an option to buy, and all these guys want to do is rent.

I swear I just want to punch your boyfriend in the face and turn to you and say, "F*ck him! I'm in love with you!"
But I can't do that. Because I'm a good guy. And that's just not believable from a guy like me.

Plus, these women don't want a 'good guy'. Sure, on paper they do. And they'll even say they do. But when it comes down to it, they can't see themselves with someone that they feel is soft. And society has trained us to think that nice guys are just that. That the well-mannered are pushovers.

Why do we bastardize what we idolize? Build shrines for ideas that we're too scared to admit we think. We stand proudly on the shoulders of titans and then celebrate when they're overthrown by the Olympians.

You know what... F*ck it!

I'm happy the way I am. I look forward to proving everyone wrong. And to eternally loving everyone who I prove right.
I'll be laughing at the women who have spent all their time chasing bad boys, and when they're ready to settle down, the good ones are all taken.

If nice guys really do finish last, then I guess life is like golf. Low score wins.

Have a nice day.


Live, love & learn!
-The King

Forgot Your Password

I can't help but smile when I scroll through our photos on Facebook. You know, that one ever-growing album that's just called "Me And Her". Every uploaded moment that's captured by light-sensitive lenses reverts me back to that specific time and date, and I relive it like it's Groundhog Day.

May 17th:
The first time I kissed you in front of your friends. You swore I was against public displays. So I had to prove you wrong. With my hand already around your waist, I pulled you in a little tighter and then...
FLASH
Your friends are so trigger happy with their cameras. We laugh it off.
FLASH again.

June 9th:
I stare into your eyes and slowly wipe your hair off of your face. I tell you that I love you for the umpteenth time. You say it back and, in jest, you add, "Now tell me something I don't know." So I tell you that I want to watch your hair turn gray. Your eyes widen and you do that thing where you smile with only the right side of your mouth.
FLASH
An arm-length shot of that expression is the perfect way to remember this moment.

I continue to scroll through the images. I spend an eternity in each fraction of a second. Oh, how I live to make love to your life.
Never before has someone been able to so easily login to the account that is me. And that's exactly what you've done. Lupe said it best, "You's the dame who's the username to all my passwords."
I built Fort Knox around my heart, and you broke in and left your fingerprints everywhere so that I could easily find you.

I speed up the rate of my scrolling through the Zuckerberg-constructed flip book of our lives together. It's like making a movie. And then just as clear as day I can see it. The slow progression from kindred spirits to indifferent individuals. The distance between us from picture to picture increases. Your jubilant smile gradually descends from the upper corners of your cheeks, down to the clinch of your jawline. I am increasingly extending myself towards you, to no avail.

Then it finally hits me like an 8.9 to the spine. My brainstorm sends emotional waves crashing against both sides of my head. The flood runs down to my heart until my chest is left as nothing but a big red dot in the middle.
...I think I know how Japan feels.

I've spent so much time reminiscing over our earlier memories that I have been blind to the ongoing truth. I'm losing you. These pictures seem to tell the story that your mouth can't.

You know, aborigines believed that taking one's picture took part of their soul away. So maybe we just took too many pictures.

I don't know.
But what I do know is that there's no way that you could look through the same early recaps as me and still find yourself losing grip on our reality.
Do you not still sift through the perfectly public collection of our love? Do you no longer count the 'likes' from picture to picture to see which moment our friends think is our finest? Have you lost all desire to login to my life?

Maybe you still want to.
Maybe you just forgot your password.


Live, love & learn!
-The King

Dear Younger Me

Dear younger me,

Hi.
First off, that woman that you call mom. She will prove to be the strongest woman in the world. Trust in her. Even when it's hard to, know that you'll understand and appreciate all of her decisions later in life.

One day you're going to have a younger brother. Love him. Protect him. Not just physically, but mentally. Don't ever let the bond between you falter. Because if it does, it will slowly kill you inside.

You are going to be blessed with opportunities that some can't even fathom. Cherish those times and enjoy every minute of it. And when it feels like your peak is long gone, and people start doubting you, just return to your safe place... your mind. You know how to make anything you fight for happen. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

You will pick up new talents faster than you can keep track. But even though they come easy, don't take them for granted. Work hard. Your work ethic will be your defining trait.

Friends... You're going to go through plenty of those. Many that you will think will be there forever. ...They won't. But when it comes to long term friends, there are the kinds that you think will never leave your side, and then the ones that you never even think about losing because your side is their side. Hold on to those. You will gain a couple of friends that will become your additional brothers. You'll know it when it happens.

Girls... Try, for me, just try to approach girls/women with the same confidence that you have in your trades of choice. In this case... Finally let yourself live outside of your head. Don't over think everything. But when you feel something strong in your gut... stand true to it. Your gut instinct is one that people will grow to admire and respect. You do the same.

Finally... There's nothing wrong with being the "good guy". There is nothing wrong with the morals that you will build for yourself. You are destined to affect lives and touch the masses. ...Get ready. And try to sleep as much as you can now!

Live, love & learn.

You. Me. Us.